can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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