I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
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she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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