Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
