The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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