Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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