If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
