i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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