you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
