Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
