Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
