i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
