I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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