If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
