They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
