Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
high people should be assigned attendants
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
