you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
