A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
