I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
