i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
