I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
