I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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