I accidentally burped into my bong.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
