Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
