so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
