HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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