Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
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I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
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I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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