butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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