Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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