your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
