dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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