I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
