we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
