I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
