new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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