I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
