I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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