There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
