Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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