We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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