in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
