Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
