his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
