I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
