the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
