party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
