Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I smell like Dick and happiness
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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