I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
