you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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