Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
