Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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