he thought i was a dude.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I deserve this hangover.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
