I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
