at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
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Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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