Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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