she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
