So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
