if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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