The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
