Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
