Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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