I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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