I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
