The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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