oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
